I work as an editor and writer. This is a dream come true. For years I have been running around correcting people and getting in trouble for it. No one, seems to, appreciate, the proper use, of commas. But now they pay me to correct folks! It’s marvelous! Who could ask for more?
The company that pays me to use my little red pen with wanton abandon is in a secured facility. No visitors are allowed in without an appointment and an escort, I mean someone walking them through the building, not a woman for hire and pleasure, although that may be allowed under certain circumstances. This week, there was a security breach (cue in dramatic music). Very exciting.
I learned about it as I was sitting down at my desk to eat my lunch. I was a bit peeved because my soup blew up in the microwave (damn those infernal machines!) and I got soup on the sleeve of my pink sweater, one of my favorites that I bought at Zara in Mexico City. So before I could eat, I had to run over to the sink area on my floor and wash up.
As I was rinsing the soup off my sleeve, one of the vice presidents exited the restroom. He looked at me, but didn’t say anything. It’s a very small company, so I wasn’t going to be rude, and I said hello to him. He said hello back and went on his way. I returned to my desk to eat my lunch while I worked.
A few minutes later, at precisely the moment I was shoving a spoonful of soup in my mouth (timing is everything), the VP walks quickly past my door, then walks quickly backwards and looks at me. The CEO’s assistant was right behind him in the hallway and he almost backed into her. I swallowed my soup.
“Did you change your hair or something?” He asked.
“I’m wearing my contacts today,” I replied, confused.
“I didn’t recognize you! I thought you were a customer running around.”
I laughed, “That’s why you didn’t say hi to me?”
“Yes, you look different.”
“Well I did part my hair to the right instead of the left.”
“I have people running around looking for a woman in a pink sweater.”
I laughed, “Really? I didn’t think I looked that different.”
“Oh my gosh. I can’t believe it. I really thought you were an unattended customer. We called the front desk to see if there were visitors today and everything and they told us there weren’t.”
The CEO’s assistant was laughing in the hallway, and calling off the search. They had found the corporate spy munching on bread and eating soup in her office. I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. The VP just looked embarrassed.
I think I better go and find that VP when my new eyeglasses come in next week. They look completely different from the ones I have been wearing, and I just want to make sure he knows it’s just me. Come to think of it, maybe I’ll recommend my optometrist so the VP can get a new pair of glasses too.
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