Tag Archives: humor

Great Marketing


I saw this at a hockey game and just had to take a picture.

What great marketing!


Samson the Hitchhiker


You remember this guy? The kitty who followed me hiking?

Such a pathetic, poor little Kitty...

As you may have guessed, he is still here. Looks like he found a home- mine! This is Samson now:

Look at the little angel! *gag*

 

Now, before you start in with the ooohs and the ahhhs and the oh how sweet, this is how he looks 98% of the time:

Someone get him a sedative please.

Just a blur of fur.

So exactly how many things can a kitty get into in a day?

  • the toilet (while it’s flushing and he also likes to perch on the seat behind whoever happens to be seated there)
  • the washing machine (as it’s filling with water no less)
  • the dryer
  • my breakfast
  • my dinner
  • the plants
  • the microwave (I was tempted to shut the door and turn it on ;))
  • the trees
  • the roof
  • the kitchen sink
  • the closets
  • boxes and bags
  • and the guinea pig cage

I could continue, but there is only so much space on the page.

Samson also wants to be a cowboy when he grows up. How do I know? Well he likes to ride the backs of the other two cats like they’re bucking broncos until they manage to throw him off. He isn’t real popular with them. This is when they like him best:

Please stay asleep!

So sweet little Samson has earned the nicknames of Maniac Squirrel (mom thought he was a squirrel when he was in a treetop), just plain Maniac, and most recently P.I.T.A. (pain in the ass). Just the same, I’ll end this post with an oooh and ahhh picture:

Recharging the batteries.

©2010 frayedges and http://www.frayedges.wordpress.com


Una Calavera para el Día de Los Muertos


Feliz Día de Los Muertos!

Jose Guadalupe Posada, "Gran fandango y francachela de todas las calaveras" - 1913

Y para celebrar, una calavera tradicional:

Estaba la calaca flaca
sentaba en una pitaca.
Sus ojitos le lloraban
porque no podia hacer caca.

For my English speaking friends, Happy Day of the Dead. The poem above is a traditional type of poem called a calavera that comes out specially for the Day of the Dead. They are usually humorous and make fun of the living. The one above is one my mother and her siblings would chant to tease each other when they were children. Here is a general translation (but of course it doesn’t rhyme in English):

There was a skinny skelton
sitting on a chest.
His eyes were filled with tears
because he couldn’t poop.

You can see why I say they teased each other, and you can imagine when they would chant this poem. 🙂

If you would like to know more about the Day of the Dead, I found a pretty good explanation at Thinkquest.


Bootsie Marie


When I was about seven or eight years old, my older sister by two years had a funky pair of embroidered navy, zip-up, knee-high boots. I wanted a pair-bad. But I have the unfortunate luck of having two skinny raccoon feet. The toes are great for grasping tree branches, but skinny feet suck when you need to buy shoes. It’s hard to find my size. Add to that my slender legs, and it’s impossible to find knee-high boots.

Until yesterday.

Imagine my elation when I found not one, but two pairs of boots that fit…for the first time in my life. Naturally, I bought them both. This was, after all, a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Just call me Bootsie Marie.

YIIIIIIIPEEEEE!

And so in honor of my beautiful new footwear:

A short, sweet Haiku for Thursday’s Poet’s Rally

I cannot describe

the excitement of finding

the perfect black boot!

 


 

Be still my heart!

©2010 frayedges and http://www.frayedges.wordpress.com

Yes, I know the post is a day early, but this could not wait!


Teenagers- You Can’t Live with Them and You Can’t Legally Strangle Them


Photo by Mary R. Vogt, courtesy of MorgueFile

I was waiting for a friend in front of the movie theatre Friday when a mid-sized blue car pulled up and deposited two teenagers at the curb- a boy and a girl. Mom waved them off with a “Have a good time. Enjoy the movie,” and drove off as the two kids went into the theatre.

About five minutes later (my friend was really running late), the two teenagers exited the building together with another girl.

“You guys are going to think my driving is crazy!” She tells the other two.
“No, it’ll be fine,” The boy replies.
“No really and my car is like a mess!”
The boy and the girl laugh and the second girl joins in.
“Ok,” says girl number one to the boy she arrived with, “We’ll cut this ticket in half,” she produces a ticket from her pocket, “and you can have half and I’ll have half, so we’ll each have a ticket stub.”
“Cool,” says the boy.

The three kids pile into a car and back up just in time for my friend to take the space they vacated. I smile, really grateful at the moment that I don’t have kids. Silly mom, she thought they were going to a movie. I chuckle and wonder where they are going and what they will be doing. Will they go to a party? Smoke a little dope? Hang out with a group from the wrong side of the tracks? Meet up with boyfriends/girlfriend and have wild, hot sex? Will they use protection (Egads!)?

I wonder if they know that if they were another species of animal, their chances of surviving to adulthood would be pretty slim. Think of all those teenaged squirrels who dare each other to cross the street and end up as road kill. How many teenaged gazelles become a lion’s most tasty friend because they don’t listen to their parents and stay with the herd? And think about all those slutty bitches (I am referring to female dogs here. That is the correct term.) who get pregnant too young and die popping puppies out?

Ok, well maybe not the last one, but still, teenagers act stupidly. It’s a good thing humans have set up such a safety net to rescue their offspring from their own silly actions. If only these human teenagers could be grateful for that, maybe they wouldn’t have such attitude. But then that would make them adults, not teenagers, wouldn’t it?

Youth is so wasted on the young.

©2010 frayedges and http://www.frayedges.wordpress.com


Argh!


It’s just not right I tell you. *pout*

After my little hiking victory, I am anxious to try other activities. I swear I thought I’d never be able to do stuff again. Cancer treatments colored my world. Now, there’s going to be a two-day event to showcase outdoor activities, gear, clubs, and retailers in my city next weekend and I am working the booth for the hiking club. I have been excited about going because you can try the climbing wall, kayaking, canoeing, and other activities for free. I really wanted to try the climbing wall.

But alas, it is not to be! *dramatic hand placed on forehead as head leans back in despair*

My shoulder has been inflamed from tendonitis (stupid shoulder), and the doctor told me no climbing walls or kayaks until the inflammation goes down. To be more precise, he said, “If you climb the wall or kayak next week, you will have a very bad afternoon. The pain will be intense.” *grumble* I’d be mad at the doctor, except he’s really cute and nice.

So now I must wait until a later date to climb a wall, sigh. But do I really need to be practical? Maybe I’ll risk it 🙂 I guess I should ask myself if the climb will be worth a weekend of pain. I must decide. Do I flip a coin, take a poll? Ah life’s critical decisions can be so difficult. Woe is me, a sad puppy!

*close dramatically*

©2010 frayedges and http://www.frayedges.wordpress.com


What to Say, What to Say?


I had a bit of writer’s block trying to think about what I could write, so I decided to write about writer’s block. These are just some of the things that I like to do to get inspired:

1. Watch your pets. My pets like to embarrass me. Many years ago, my cat ran happily down the street with a feminine napkin clutched in his mouth. I pretended I didn’t know him, but the neighbors knew where he lived.

2. Or, they like to annoy me. This week my cat, Nicolas, discovered my bra hanging to dry. As I was carrying laundry to my room, my bra flew past me with Nicolas in pursuit. Then I pursued Nicolas to save my bra before he could fling it again.

Nicolas, resting before hunting undergarments.

3. Watch nature. I was exiting onto a highway heading toward Beavercreek, Ohio. I looked to the grassy area to my right, and there was a beaver exiting onto the highway heading towards Beavercreek.

A light snack before the journey.

4. Listen to people. They say strange things. I told a girl my mother was from Mexico. She responded with, “But was your mother born there because she was from there or because your parents were traveling through there?”

Say what?

5. Watch people. That’s fun. How many times this summer did I drive by couples mowing the lawn- the wife pushing the mower with all her might, and the husband standing and watching her do it!

Behind every one of these is a tired woman.

6. And sometimes it’s sad. I remember seeing a very old indigenous woman in Cholula, Mexico. Her back was so distorted she was bent over double, and she was carrying a large bundle of sticks. I think carrying bundles of sticks is probably what messed up her back to begin with.

Ok, so that's not an old, indigenous woman. That's my mom. (And she is gonna kill me when she sees this!)

7. Pay attention to your surroundings. I drove past a prison in Texas. There was a giant sign on the highway that said: “Prison Area. Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers.” This was placed next to a covered rest area where the escaped prisoners could rest while they hitchhiked.

Anyone need a lift?

8. Family is a gold mine. Well, at least mine is. My great-grandfather was killed during the Mexican Revolution. Cool, a hero! Not quite. He was an accountant and he kept the soldiers’ books- and their wives.

Can't keep his eyes off the babes!

9. Then there was a great-grandmother, I think, on my dad’s side who dressed her dog up in children’s clothing, placed him in a high chair, and spoon fed him.

This one's not in a high chair, but you get the idea. My family likes to dress their pets.

Ok, writer’s block has taken over. Someone give me some more ideas, please!

©2010 frayedges and http://www.frayedges.wordpress.com


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