The Troll Under the Bridge- Er, The Dog Under the Deck

Lover Boy Nicolas

I am sitting on the deck watching my cat, Nicolas, saunter across the yard in search of prey. His white coat offers a sharp contrast to the green grass. He is one of my Mexican kitties. He found me on the campus of the university in Puebla where I was studying and working, and followed me around for six hours. I took him home, and he’s been with me ever since. I call him Lover Boy. He wants nothing more than to get full body massages all day. Plus, he is always jumping my cat Cristina, but he can’t help it- she’s hot.

He’s a lover, but he’s also a hunter, and a good one. Last summer he was perpetrator of the Peter Rabbit Massacre- 6 headless bunny bodies strewn across the front porch, made worse by the fact that they were found when my sister stepped on one of them. Well worse for her, hilarious for me.

Today, Nicolas is hunting, and I am glad to see there are no baby birds or bunnies about. I watch him move lazily across the yard as he heads for the stairs to the deck. He is about to climb them when I hear a muffled bark. Nicolas shoots straight up into the air, his fur on end. I distinctly hear a muffled giggle from below.

Ah, so that’s where Susie is. I hadn’t seen that dog all day. Nicolas lands with a hiss and a dirty look at the dog under the deck. Rather than use the stairs, he opts for leaping up onto the deck railing to avoid contact with that “thing” hidden below. Although Susie believes differently, Nicolas and she are not friends.

Cristina Potosina- drives all the boy cats crazy!

Enter stage right, Cristina. Well, that is a pleasant surprise. Until recently, Cristina never bothered to come outside. She was perfectly happy in the bathroom sink or shower, or hidden in a closet somewhere. Nicolas spies Cristina and, unable to resist her tempting, sexy figure, he jumps off the railing and jumps on to her. She is not amused. Nicolas begins enjoying himself immensely as Cristina growls in irritation. I am beginning to think they missed something when they neutered him. He is always so feisty.

I hear another muffled bark, and this time two cats shoot straight up in the air. That worked better than a cold shower for Nicolas. Cristina lands and looks angrily between the boards on the deck below her. Nicolas decides to head for the dog-free zone of the front yard.

Ok, I decide to intervene. The dog is bored and needs to walk. I head inside and grab her leash. I step onto the deck, the leash rattling in my hand. There is a commotion below me. I can feel the excitement emanating from the deck boards.

Susie, A.K.A "Psycho"

“Come on, Susie! Let’s go for a walk!” I hear a thud as Susie tries to come through the deck. There is more excited shuffling below and another thud.

“Come on Susie, you fool! Come around the deck.” She is apparently still not fluent in English (she is from Mexico, like all my pets) because she tries to come through the boards again. I move towards the stairs, trying to lure her to the direction of the hole in the deck siding that she went through. This does not work. In her excitement, she tries to dive through the deck siding to come out between the stairs. I sigh and try again.

“Come on Susie! Come around the deck. Come out the hole on the side, you idiot!” But who is the real idiot here? The dog, or the human who is trying to reason with the dog? I hear more shuffling below. The dog is still trying to come out the wrong way. I decide to go down the stairs to the hole in the deck siding. I approach the opening carefully because the dog is psycho. I know in her excitement she will produce enough energy to light a small town. Sure enough, as I near the opening, Susie tears out from beneath the deck like her tail was on fire. She zips past me, runs in a circle, then leaps chest high before landing on my foot. OUCH! I utter a few choice words and tell her to sit.

She sits for a half second, then leaps straight up into the air before doing a quick lap around the yard, pausing only long enough to run up on the deck to scare the bejeezus out of Cristina, who runs inside to hide behind the door, and coming full circle to sit on my foot, once again. OUCH!

“Dammit dog! Calm down!” She tries. Her whole body quivers with excitement. Her little behind rises off the ground repeatedly, but drops down quickly as she remembers she is supposed to sit. I reach down to put her leash on, and that sets her off again. Another lap around the yard. At this rate we’ll never get out of here.

When she returns, I tell her to sit, and this time I manage to leash her. Thank god! I head for the gate. We are going to take a nice, long walk.

“Good riddance,” I hear Cristina mutter behind me. I smile as we take off down the road.

Susie as a pup in one of her spastic moments

©2010 frayedges and


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